I know I have said it before, but I am going to say it again. It really isn’t easy being me. I am so tempted by so many things at times… I almost feel like my life is the modern day ‘Truman Show’… Does that sound a little psychotic?
I really don’t find myself that attractive, that appealing or that interesting at all… Maybe its just low self of steam, maybe its my own self image issues but I really have to do something about this.
I was asked the other day, ‘When are you going to realize how special you are?’ To other people that is. This person who asked really thinks I walk on water. At times I think it really isn’t fair that he feels this way because I can be a very crappy human being at times but without walking on water I am pretty decent for the most part. I like to do things for other people… And aside from my occasional ‘Hump Day’ Which is more like a ‘Rut Day’ I am pretty reliable and responsible as well as a hard worker… But when I don’t wanna see the world—Its because I feel the world is better off not seeing me. So I cut off all communication for hours or even days at a time. I need to stop that. Anyway. My answer to his question was— ‘If I thought I was as special as you seem to think I am I don’t think I would be very special at all… I would be just another self absorbed biyaaaatch’… Don’t get me wrong… I can be confident at times 🙂 At least play it off real well. In all reality Im just a small town girl in this big beautiful world full of so many beautiful girls (models in this big city that I don’t even hold a candle to). I would like to keep myself humbled thinking that I know where I came from 😉 where Im going… Who knows… But damn it I know where I came from. Canby, Or— Google that shit.
As for the ‘Truman Show’ reference. At dinner tonight, my girls pointed out their hot old man crush. I have a thing for hot old men… Sorry Hugh, too old, you tried… Pajama party two summers ago… Just wasn’t my thing… But the George Clooneys and the Hugh Lauries??? Yes Please. This man was what I like to call a ‘Silver Fox’… Apparently he noticed me too (while I was looking like shit) but gave his card to the hostess who is a friend of mine. I told her to burn it… IVE GOT A MAN!!! Don’t tempt me! I have a man who thinks I am his golden egg and I want to keep it that way!!!
Night Night xoxo