We all have our days.
As easy and fabulous as my life may seem I definitely get down on myself—actually a lot more than you would think— Sometimes I just want to disappear.
My good friend asked me yesterday what I wanted for my birthday coming up… My answer ‘A one way ticket to whatever cave Osama Bin Laden was hiding in with no means of communication to the outside world… Just me… Maybe a notepad and pen or sketchbook and charcoal pencil and a rape whistle…’ Sound like a good birthday gift???
I sometimes just need a vacation from my vacation of a life and I think a lot of that has to do with dealing with the years I have lived in the adult industry and finally trying to find out where I am going with my life and how I will get there… It really gets me down. I get stupid sometimes and I blow opportunities that may be good ones because I just feel like a giant turd and I feel stupid and ugly and fat and boring and I just want to have my own little pity party, invite only… Party of one… I suuuuuure wish I had a drug habit sometimes that could give me an escape but I know that getting thru the transition on my own will be what lands be on top in the end… xoxo