Why I said hello and why I said goodbye to the oh so appealing world of pornography…

When I first entered the adult industry at 19 years old, I was a very uptight, overachieving & selfless human being who had been living like that for as long as I could remember.

I went through a traumatizing experience at 12 and had to grow up fast, I did it well. I lived my life for others, was addicted to straight A’s and perfection. I wanted to make my mom proud in all I did and I just wanted to be the best daughter I could be. I graduated high school at 15 (actually walked at 16) and moved 1200 miles from home to go to University of Colorado. I worked hard in school. I even managed to land a great job while in school because they didn’t realize how young I was. I worked my ass of for 3 years of Undergrad and then I met someone who reminded me of myself at her age—Always trying to please everyone else around her and not even realizing how unhappy she was. We decided to say screw ‘em all and after a few weeks of partying, long story short we found ourselves having sex and  cashing checks… It was time for me to live life on the wild side…

In the beginning, I promised myself I would leave the industry before the industry asked me to leave. I was making bank doing something so natural yet morally shunned, but still it was 100% legal, so i was in— I came into the biz having had 2 partners… I didn’t really care because these guys didn’t count as partners anyway. No matter the number of men i’ve been with on film, it was actually safer than going out and banging some stranger at the bar considering all the STD testing done in the industry. One of the first things I noticed in adult entertainment is that the newbies are the ones in high demand… Unless you have something ridiculously appealing about you or you are real nasty chick who does it ALL… I didn’t feel I was either one of those things and I wasn’t going to be one of the washed out skanks making ‘trades’ with directors to try and get themselves in a film so they could pay their rent and feed their addictions…

I later learned that there was another way out of the business. Many girls will meet guys who promise them the world and save them from the adult industry, but then they throw them out on their asses in a matter of months. I was at the peak of my career… I had just made penthouse pet, cover and centerfold, I was out in Vegas and I met a man who appeared to be someone resembling the ‘let me save you type’ mentioned above. I didn’t leave the business right away, I was flying high and still making a shit ton of money in the business and I didn’t feel I needed saved. As I got to know him and know the people around him better I realized that he really did care for me, and he would make it his life’s mission to make me happy. One and a half years later here we are… Still in this very unconventional and quite confusing relationship… But he still makes a point to no matter what the circumstance is let me know how special he thinks I am and how I can do no wrong. The things this man will do to make me smile… And he gives me free reign. If he thought I would be happier making movies still, thats where i would be… But we know better and he has me on a track to do what I have always wanted to do… That will come later.

Sweet Dreams xoxox

Ill get into why you may not call our relationship so conventional later… Its bed time for me… Ill try and get you a hello before yoga tomorrow…